I had the worst idea right now.
My sister will hate myguts someday.
We were trying to watch the moon, I got this great pair of binoculars and I sat alone on the roof with a strange nostalgia for the hours I would spend laying there, just thinking, alone, watching the moon, moon dreaming when I hated to be at home, like is happening right now.
I thought I would show my sis how to use my binoculars, and I was glad to see she was interested, I mean, the MOON, hello?
and then comes my mother ....she simply interrumpted our conversation, she interrupted the moon.
And it happened. My mom asked her tog o with her and she twisted her lips, and I've done that before, it's the kind of twists that means, "shit, why me again?"

That's when in hit me. I should do something, or later in life whe will feel I was the smart sister that left her alone when she needed.
Of course I'm 31, broke and living at home. I also need help.....dammit.

La mer

I´m a bit obssesed with the beach days, like never before. I always believed laying on the sun was dumb, getting a tan was harmful, and sleeping on the beach was impossible. Most of my childhood I never visited the beach, my mom hated the sand, and they were the kind that would cook a big pan of food at eat it during the windy days , yeah chweing sand is not fun.

I remember a summer I spent saving a 10 to pay for the combi to take me carrying my lil sister on my legs so we wouldnt pay for an extra sit. We would only carry a bottle of forzen water, that would melt on the way and we would have cold water later. I would leave her on the sand playing while I swam. She would make holes every time. We stayed an hour or two, then got hungry and if lucky had enough money for a sandwich we would share. I miss those days with her.

So I can honestly say I was never a beach girl. Later in life my friends would drag me to the beaches in the caribbean and I loved laying on the shadow with a beer, food and friends passing oil all over their bodies having free tequila shots and then passing out on a beach bench. The caribbean is delicious and calm and expensive. But even then I would get bored of the beach.

I took this pics at Señoritas in Punta Hermosa and I´m spending my last weekend at the beach looking at the best sunsets, walking and swimming every chance I get while the water is still warm.

Turn the radio on

Mi mama me regalo esta Radio Emerson. Aun funciona y solo tiene AM. Para encender tiene que calentar un poco y luego hace esos ruiditos de la cancion de Manu Chao...chiiirrrpp chiirrpp. Es lindisima.

La playa-El Silencio-Sn. Bartolo-El Verano

 

 

Beats me

I ve hear aout beat up women before, actually since I was a child I learned how to defense myself against men, as if was somenthing a girl should know. I guess I was lucky all this years, I met great wonderful, caring and loving men, some of them were very important in my life and are still my friends, and some were, well...practice.
But last year I went thru a rough time, I broke up with my long time boyfriend and was left out in the middle of nowhere, so this guy says he "loves me" blablabla, and I believed him, or I wanted to believe him.
One day we ge really drunk, we have a fight I hit him and he trhows me to the floor I hit myself really hard but I stood up, like  lion, and he tries to choke me. I fell asleep crying.
If you've ever been thru this before you know he apologized, he cried, he was really sorry, and I accepted this.
That was half a year ago, and I blamed the tequila. 6 months later I'm writinf this, with a sore hand, broken earrings, a bledding ear, and a broken heart. He beat me again, he threw me to the floor, grabbed my neck, and hurt my pride and love to my self more than anything.
What's crazy is I wanted him to apologize soooo much, I wanted to believe there was a good reason for him to act that way. Was it the alcohol, was it me?
Wake up girl, it's him, he doesn't give a shit about you and he never will.
Why I am making this public? well, I was one of those girls that talked to much, that judged too much, that said  " I will never allow this for myself" and here I am, eating all my feminism activism, my anarchism, and my therapy. The truth is I don't love myself enough, but I hope, reallly deeply, that you do. And will never let this happem to you, and if it does, talk to someone, anyone, me, but get out.

By the time it gets dark

My dad had a drinking problem, his dad had a drinking problem, his step dad had a serious drinking problem, and I, well I don't think is necesarily a problem, I just enjoy drinking at any time of the day, specially if I'm really really sad or feeling empty. I guess I'm trying to say drinking is not the problem but what causes my drinking. 

I stopped for a while thanks to therapy, I was feeling better.

But now, let my self go with any nostalgic music and all the mixes I can get my hands on and untie the knot in my chest. So far it beats compulsive eating.

I just thought I should let someone know. But then, we are alone, and we are all sad, and that's no speacial at all.